Supporting a Child Who Self-Harms: A Gentle Guide for Parents
Discovering that your child is self-harming can feel deeply upsetting and confusing. You might feel shock, fear, guilt, or sadness. These feelings are natural — but it’s important to remember that self-harm is often a way for children and young people to manage emotional pain or distress. This guide is here to help you understand, respond with care, and find the right support. You are not alone in this.
Why Might Children Self-Harm?
Self-harm is often a coping strategy, not the problem itself. Children may self-harm:
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To cope with overwhelming emotions like sadness, anger, shame, or anxiety
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To try to regain control in a situation where they feel powerless
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As a response to bullying, trauma, family difficulties, or rejection
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To express inner pain when they can’t find the words
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To feel something when they feel numb or disconnected from themselves
Self-harm doesn’t mean a child wants to end their life, but it is a sign that they need support.
Read more at YoungMinds or explore NHS advice.
What Should You Do Right Away?
If you discover your child has self-harmed:
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Stay as calm as you can, even though it’s hard — your calmness will help them feel safer
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Offer comfort and reassure them that you love them and want to help
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Gently check their injury — clean minor wounds, apply a sterile dressing, and seek medical advice if needed
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If bleeding is heavy or won’t stop, or if the injury is serious, call 999 or go to A&E
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Avoid anger or punishment — focus on understanding their feelings
For practical guidance, see the Oxford Coping Guide.
How Can You Support Them Going Forward?
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Listen without judgement, allowing them to open up in their own time
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Focus on their feelings rather than just their behaviour
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Talk about safer ways to manage big feelings — like drawing, squeezing ice cubes, or using sensory toys
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Reduce risks at home, where safe to do so, by limiting access to sharp objects
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Work together to plan positive coping strategies
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Contact your GP, school, or mental health services for further support
Find helpful advice at the Anna Freud Centre and Family Lives.
When to Seek Professional Help
It’s important to seek help if:
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Your child’s self-harming is frequent or severe
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They are struggling with thoughts of suicide
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You’re feeling unsure about how to keep them safe
Your GP can refer you to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) or another local support service.
Where You Can Get More Help
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Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)
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YoungMinds Parent Helpline: 0808 802 5544
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Childline (for under 19s): 0800 1111
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Harmless: info@harmless.org.uk
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Self-Injury Support: 0808 800 8088
Your care, patience, and understanding can make a huge difference. Asking for help shows strength and love.
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